Dancing in the Minefields

Me: Caleb, if you take your shirt off when you play outside, you can get a little sun and maybe not have a farmer’s tan.

Caleb: Awesome! I wanna’ be rednekkid!

I think it’s a combination of redneck and naked, but maybe it’s just a fast way of saying “redneck kid.”

First Day of Kindergarten (8/15/11)             Last Day of Kindergarten (5/17/12)

C: Mama, did you know that in kindergarten and 1st grade you can have a girlfriend?

Me: I didn’t know that. Do you have a girlfriend?

C: No, I haven’t picked one yet, but I think I might get one.

Me: What about K (in his class) or J or R or B?

C: Those are my friends and B is too tall for me. She’s almost seven.

When Caleb was born in St. Louis in 2006, we knew we needed to get closer to home.  We wanted to raise him close to family for more reasons than I can count.  “Home” for us has always been hard to define.  Rudy was raised in Spiro, Oklahoma.  I’ve lived in several towns in Arkansas and haven’t ever really been able to put a pin in a map that would identify home.  We knew that getting closer to home meant returning to Arkansas, but we weren’t completely sure where we would live.  We decided to try to find jobs in either Central or Northwest AR, knowing that those areas were both close to family and would offer us the things that we look for in a place to live.  After weighing our options and job opportunities, we ended up in Rogers in the summer of 2007.  We both found good jobs and we were excited to be back in the area where we met and many of our college friends still live, near some of Rudy’s family and only 3 1/2 hours from mine.  We love Northwest Arkansas and all that it has to offer.  We have never regretted that decision for a moment.

Over the past 5 years, we’ve made relationships, found a church home, enjoyed our work, enjoyed our play, expanded to a family of four and pretty much lived a wonderful life.  Yet, every spring we’ve entertained the idea of moving further south.  We’ve weighed pros and cons and gone back and forth.  We love our home, our surroundings and our relationships here.  But – it’s hard to raise kids on our own.  People do it every day and it’s not impossible, but why put ourselves through it when we don’t have to?  That’s just one of the reasons that we’ve decided it’s time to move again.

On April 20th, Rudy interviewed for a job on the band staff at Lakeside School District in Hot Springs.  He was offered the job on the 26th and the ball started rolling.  Since then, we’ve found a house to rent, found a renter for our house, signed Nola up for daycare, and signed Caleb up for after school care.  I’m still looking for a job, but somehow have a peace about it.  I just know something will come up.   We’re moving on June 2nd. 

I will say this has not been an easy decision to make.  On one hand, I am overjoyed at the idea of living in the same town as my parents, my grandparents and aunts/uncles.  On the other hand, Hot Springs is much smaller than what I’ve gotten used to.  I keep thinking, “There’s no Target!!!”  But – it’s an hour from Little Rock, so I’m not completely giving up the amenities that a larger town has to offer.  My heart hurts at the idea of leaving my friends here, but then I think about the joy of raising Caleb and Nola with their family being able to come to their school events, celebrate birthdays and holidays without so much travel and even go out for lunch after church.  I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that having caretakers near when we’re sick or overbooked.  Rudy’s excited about being near the lake (and having access to it), being close to deer camp, and getting back into the world of high school band in a great school district.  He struggles with moving farther from his family, but knows that we’ll be back up here to see them.  Caleb is no exception.  He is excited to be near LaLa and Pops, but has struggled with leaving his school and his friends (especially Rex).

There are moments when I am excited about the move and moments when I grieve what we’re “giving up.”  I don’t have much time to do either, though.  There are 4 more days of school, 6 more days of work and 20 days until we pull out of the driveway in the U-Hauls.

After Caleb’s soccer game this morning, we came home and got ready to go to Fayetteville for the Hogs’ spring scrimmage and RazorFest.  The parking lot was packed with people waiting in line for freebies and activities.  The line for autographs wrapped around most of the lot, so we didn’t even attempt that.  Caleb got his face painted and then we went into the stadium. 

Mom and Mr.L. bought Caleb a membership to the Junior Razorbacks this year and one of the perks of the membership is that the kids get to go on the field at some point during the year.  This year, it was at the scrimmage.  Not only did they get to go on the field, they got to form the tunnel for the players to run through.  Caleb was literally in Hog Heaven. 

I could not possibly love these two pictures more.

Here’s my little Razorback playing football on the sidelines. 

Caleb and 2 of the cheerleaders. 

How cool is it that we have a cheerleader with a (zebra-striped) prosthetic leg?  Goes to show that obstacles can be overcome, right?

High five from Big Red!

Knile Davis #7 and Cobi Hamilton #11 – GO HOGS!

After watching some of the game, we decided to go to Penguin Ed’s for some BBQ.  Yum!!!

Fun day with my favorite boys!!!

On Thursday, the kindergarteners put on a great assembly for Earth Day.  They sang 5 songs including “Mother Earth” and “Don’t Throw Trash.” Some of the kids were chosen to tell facts about Earth Day or ecology.  Caleb was one of the ones chosen.  He was so nervous on Monday morning.  I wasn’t sure how he would do since he doesn’t usually like stuff like that, but he said he really wanted to do it.  I got to go to both the morning and the afternoon performances – it’s one of the perks of working at his school.

At the morning performance, you could really tell he was nervous.  He used his “little” voice and never looked up from his paper.  But…he did it! 

At the afternoon performance, his confidence was high!  He had memorized his line and went straight to the microphone and said, “April 22nd is the day we honor the Earth, but every day is Earth Day.” 

It seems that Nola’s perpetual grumpy phase was a passing one.  She came home from daycare on Tuesday in a great mood and it lasted pretty much all week. We went to Mellow Mushroom for a fundraiser dinner and she kept me entertained while we waited for the boys to join us after soccer practice. 

So, this girl is back on my good side (most of the time).

Rudy had to go to Hot Springs on Friday, so he took Nola with him.  She’s staying with LaLa and Pops this week and they will bring her back on Friday when they come up for Caleb’s birthday party.  It’s incredibly quiet around here and after almost 48 hours without her, we’re really missing our little ray of sunshine!

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
God won’t give me more than I can handle.
You have to endure the rain to see the rainbow.
Nothing is impossible with God.
This too shall pass.

These are the thoughts that have been going through my head repeatedly for the past few days (weeks?).

Nola is a tough toddler. She is headstrong, opinionated, stubborn…and wonderful. She is cute and frustrating, sweet and infuriating, loving and hard-headed. She makes me smile one minute and scream the next. She is smart. She is strong-willed.

Before you say it, let me say it for you – she is just like her Mama. Well, she’s just like her Daddy too. I have always been a pleaser. Nola is not. I have always been a rule-follower. Nola makes her own rules. The worst thing anyone could ever say to me is that I had disappointed them. Nola laughs at that. She gets her spunk and spirit from me. She gets her stubbornness from her Daddy. In fairness, though – she gets her sense of humor and her lovability from him too.

We’ve reached a point where Nola’s stubborn streak is causing a lot of tough times for us. Potty training has been a slow and arduous task. She tells me “I pee-pee pants” with a giant smile on her face. She is very much ready to be potty trained and she knows what to do, she just refuses to do it. She can go a day or two without an accident and then have 2-3 a day. It’s maddening!

Last week, she ran a mysterious fever on Tuesday and Wednesday and Rudy stayed home with her. She went back to daycare on Thursday. Rudy woke up Friday morning with fever, so he stayed home and was sick all weekend – trying to keep his fever down and his energy up.

I went to work all last week. On Friday afternoon, I met Stacy for our first pedicures of the spring! We decided to meet back up for dinner afterwards. I got some soup & Gatorade for Rudy, picked up Caleb, picked up Nola & we went to Red Robin for supper. I was exhausted from the stressful, busy week and just wanted to enjoy a meal with my kids & my best friend (and her daughter). Unfortunately, the kids could sense my exhaustion and took full advantage of it. Their behavior in the restaurant was ridiculous. They pulled every trick in the book – from jumping in the booth to messing with other customers to Nola’s wetting her pants TWICE!!! I was mortified. I felt completely out of control. When we left the restaurant, I made sure they both knew how upset I was with their behavior and assured them that they would NOT have the opportunity to do that again for a while. We came home & they both went straight to bed. I was literally on the verge of tears.

Yesterday morning, we got up & Rudy still had fever. He went to the doctor while I got the kids and myself ready for Caleb’s soccer game. The doctor told him he didn’t have strep, so he decided to go ahead and coach Caleb’s soccer game. The weather held off long enough for the game & then we high-tailed it home. After lunch, Caleb watched TV in the playroom & everyone else napped. When we got up, Rudy gave Nola a quick bath & I took the kids to Fayetteville for their spring portrait appointment. Everything was fine until Nola realized why we were there. She screamed for over 20 minutes while I did everything shy of standing on my head or spanking her to get her to take pictures. Caleb did AWESOME. But – we ended up leaving without a single picture. Again – on the verge of tears.

When we got home, Rudy decided to take them to play putt-putt golf (against my advice) just to give me some peace & quiet. I appreciated it, but knew he didn’t really feel up to it. They went, though – and he came back exhausted. By the time they got back it was bedtime for the kids & Rudy. I stayed up writing on my speech blog and watching TV.

This morning, the fun continued with several arguments over the marble track, a fit or three about breakfast and a tornado warning. Nola wet her pants 3 times today. Caleb was bored because of the rain, so I took him to see The Lorax during Nola’s nap. We were both so tired that we almost fell asleep. Tonight has been more of the same.

As an example of the spunk, today’s new favorite phrase was in response to Caleb telling her to do something; “You no boss me!” (You’re not the boss of me.) That’s spunk. Where it loses it’s spunk is when I tell her to go potty & she tries the same response. Not cute.

In addition to that, Caleb decided to try out a little independence this afternoon as well. We were trying to get out the door to our movie & he was lollygagging. I said, “What are you doing?” He replied, “Something you don’t need to worry about.”. Um…NO. I stood there with my mouth hanging open. Rudy managed to choke back laughter long enough to set his little almost six year old sassy mouth straight. In all honesty, I don’t think he meant it disrespectfully, because he was shocked that he got in trouble for it, but it sure came across that way & he won’t be saying it again!

I know that this will pass. I know that someday I’ll look back and wonder where these days went. Right now, though – these days are hard. These days are exhausting. These days are stressful and sometimes feel hopeless.

And then, something like this happens:

Mama, can I have pictures of you and me and of me and Daddy?
Sure – I have some extras.
I want to put them in a book so I can have them when I miss you at night.

Mama, when I feel scared or sad, I put this book on my chest so my heart can feel it.

And this is how he went to bed tonight…

Literally 30 minutes after I posted the calm & peaceful picture of the kids playing this morning, I got a text from the severe weather service saying that we were under a tornado warning. I tried my best not to freak the kids out as I turned on the TV & started the familiar process of preparing the laundry room in case we needed to take shelter. I woke up Rudy, who had been up most of the night with fever. We made sure everyone was dressed & had on shoes as we waited to see if the storm was truly headed our way. Caleb’s anxious nature got the best of him & he decided to wait in the laundry room “just in case.” He rounded up blankets & pillows & put on his bike helmet. I peeked in there to check on him and found both kids in a pile of blankets. Caleb was teaching Nola how to duck & cover just like he learned at school.

We were fortunate that the storms weakened before they got to our area. It was a rainy, dreary day – but a safe one.

The kids are playing with the marble track this morning. No church for us because Rudy’s still sick & I don’t have the stamina to wrestle myself & both kids into a presentable state. So, it’s a lazy, stormy Sunday morning at our house. They *look* like they are playing so nicely together, don’t they?